June 26th


Two days ago I received a flash drive in the mail. I didn’t remember ordering it, but after checking my past shipments on the website, I discovered I did order it in February 2009. Unfortunately, the storage space it contains is now too small to be considered useful as it was six years ago.

I tried to arrange a refund. The website I ordered it from told me that it was the shipping company’s mistake and the shipping company told me it was the website’s fault. I tried to arrange a conference call so they could determine whose fault it really was and both representatives hung up simultaneously.

I forget the reason I originally needed a flash drive, but I assume it was very important. I ordered another one. I hope it arrives shortly.

Today I redeemed my prize of hash browns from Bangin’ Bagels, after winning a quiz glued to the side of a coffee cup. This is only the second time in my life that I have won a prize. The first time was in a contest at school. The challenge was to stand and face the wall for 12 hours. The children who informed me of the challenge insisted it had originated from the teacher. I was awarded two pencils.

I had never seen or eaten a hash brown before. They are a little smaller than I imagined, sort of the shape of a brussel sprout but brown and rubbery. It reminds me of a fossilized cat dropping covered in greasy bread crumbs. I ate two and put the rest in the trash.

Sometimes I invent things that already exist. Today it was raining and I thought it would be convenient if there was some form of portable roof one could carry around, like a small mobile canopy. I was quite excited at this idea, and I informed my co-worker Fred. He told me that such an object exists and it is called an umbrella. He gave me a long look and went back to work.

I did actually know this but I don’t know why I forgot that umbrellas exist. I did not try to explain this to Fred. Perhaps this happens to everyone.

My stomach is still a little off from the hash browns. Overall I am still glad I won something.

May 16th

hash_brownToday I bought a coffee from Bangin’ Bagels in a white styrofoam cup. It came with a removable quiz on the side, the question on which was ‘What color is the sky?’ In lieu of the answer option ‘depends’, I chose ‘blue’ and found I had won a number of ‘hash browns’. I do not know what a ‘hash brown’ is, but now I have six of them waiting for me at the nearest Bangin’ Bagels location. I will bring a grocery bag with me in case they are too large to easily carry. I am excited for my prize.

The coupon expires in 2 years time, so I have some time to decide which location I will go to to redeem my prize, but it will most likely be the same one I purchased the coffee from as it is on the way to work.

Bangin’ Bagels coffee is not the same as Bob, my former colleague’s coffee. It tastes like milk mixed with soil and the cup is too big for my hands.

I saw a quote today . It said ‘Dream big dreams. Small dreams have no magic.’

I don’t like any kind of dreams. Small dreams, such as remembering to buy more toilet paper before I run out, make me short of breath. Big dreams, like actually going to that book club I signed up for, or changing my bus route to work, make me want to sit down for an hour and wait until the room stops spinning.

I wonder if my goldfish Kenneth would consider eating a ‘hash brown’ instead of Spam. I’m not sure. Besides, it might not fit in his bowl. I considered searching on the internet for what a ‘hash brown’ actually is, but I have decided to wait and make it a surprise.