July 20th

Marshmallows_4500Every day last week I checked at the grocery store after work to see if they had received a shipment of Happy-Dappy Orchard Farms Super Fruit-Cups. The shelf-space that previously held them has been re-purposed. It has been replaced by extremely large bags of ‘Industrial Sized Mega Freedom Marshmallows’. They are big enough that they look like they could be used as a form of bedding.

It had not occurred to me at that point that I should perhaps speak to a retail sales representative. I did. The man I spoke to looked like he hadn’t slept in a long time, and his name-tag said ‘Ian’. I asked Ian when we could expect another quantity of Happy-Dappy Orchard Farms Super Fruit-Cups, as they are the only kind I like and I really like them and I need to have them or it will be really bad and I truly hoped he understood because I really like fruit cups.

He asked me to stop yelling, and I apologized because I didn’t realize I was yelling, even though several people had stopped and were staring. Ian took a few steps back and said he would fetch a manager. I don’t recall anything after that.

Next thing I remember I was in the managers office drinking a glass of water and being asked repeatedly ‘if I was okay’ by an overweight, kind-faced man who said he was the general manager.

I was informed that the Happy-Dappy Orchard Farms Super Fruit-Cups are still in stock and had been relocated to aisle fourteen.

I don’t remember getting home, but I now have thirty-five six-packs of fruit cups which should last for a little while. I purchased all of the ones they had in stock, including the ones they had in stocking room in the back.

I do not like marshmallows.

July 13th

fruit cupsToday I went to the grocery store to purchase Happy-Dappy Orchard Farms Super Fruit-Cups. I found that they no longer have any. My eyesight went gray around the edges and I had to sit down. I only have enough fruit cups for another three months, during which time I will have to locate an alternate supplier.

I purchased 14 cans of spam and some bread, for Kenneth, my goldfish. He eats a great deal of it and it is becoming expensive. He hasn’t grown in size though. Perhaps he is stock-piling it somewhere in his bowl. I understand and respect this method, in case of potential shortages.

Grocery stores are confusing. I read somewhere that a study of the heart-rates of shoppers in grocery stores was measured to find out how to make them less stressed, and it found that in fact people entered a state only a little bit more conscious than that of being under hypnosis. This is not the case for me. During my time in a grocery store I feel like I am being compressed in something made of linoleum, carbohydrates, primary colors and jazz music.

Leaving the grocery store without the fruit-cups was a little trying. I find this kind of change really quite challenging but I am confident that the lack of fruit-cups at this location does not in any way, for any reason, reflect a Happy-Dappy Orchard Farms Super Fruit Cups shortage of global proportions.

I will check again in a few days.