May 16th

hash_brownToday I bought a coffee from Bangin’ Bagels in a white styrofoam cup. It came with a removable quiz on the side, the question on which was ‘What color is the sky?’ In lieu of the answer option ‘depends’, I chose ‘blue’ and found I had won a number of ‘hash browns’. I do not know what a ‘hash brown’ is, but now I have six of them waiting for me at the nearest Bangin’ Bagels location. I will bring a grocery bag with me in case they are too large to easily carry. I am excited for my prize.

The coupon expires in 2 years time, so I have some time to decide which location I will go to to redeem my prize, but it will most likely be the same one I purchased the coffee from as it is on the way to work.

Bangin’ Bagels coffee is not the same as Bob, my former colleague’s coffee. It tastes like milk mixed with soil and the cup is too big for my hands.

I saw a quote today . It said ‘Dream big dreams. Small dreams have no magic.’

I don’t like any kind of dreams. Small dreams, such as remembering to buy more toilet paper before I run out, make me short of breath. Big dreams, like actually going to that book club I signed up for, or changing my bus route to work, make me want to sit down for an hour and wait until the room stops spinning.

I wonder if my goldfish Kenneth would consider eating a ‘hash brown’ instead of Spam. I’m not sure. Besides, it might not fit in his bowl. I considered searching on the internet for what a ‘hash brown’ actually is, but I have decided to wait and make it a surprise.

April 12th

magnetic numbersThe defective water cooler in the office was removed and has not been replaced. Perhaps I submitted the incorrect form.

I drank a glass of water from the faucet. It still tastes a lot like a swimming pool. Barbara, my former colleague, saw me in the kitchen and angrily said “I hope you’re happy now,” before walking away. I’m not sure what she was referring to. I considered if I was happy or not.

When I got home after work I wrote up a list of things that make me happy as I felt I should be able to answer this question in case Barbara suggests it again. I put a lot of thought into the list. It took me until 2 o’clock in the morning to complete.

My list has three items on it. They are as follows:

1) Fruit cups.

2) Fridge magnets. They are extremely useful in keeping important information secured where I will most likely see it, like my home phone number. I have a collection of four fridge magnets in a variety of designs; a purple fish with googly eyes, a palm tree with the words ‘FLORDIA’ written on it (I believe this to be a misspelling), one in the shape of the number ‘4’, and one with a white background and the words ‘FRIDGE MAGNET’ written on it. The last one is my favorite as it will be useful if I develop dementia.

3) The letter E. I feel it is important to like things that are popular and it is the most popular letter in the English alphabet.

When I was young I used to like swimming pools. On one visit I lost my braces. Later on, something got jammed into a water intake, making it clog and causing the pump to overheat and inexplicably set on fire. The swimming pool had to be evacuated for safety reasons.

The cause of the fire was later found to have been my braces. I was asked not to come back.