February 16th

I had one egg for breakfast. This was not intentional.

Today I read in my book ‘History Is Interesting, Honest‘ that February 16th was the anniversary of the first confirmed patent for the ironing board in 1858 [1]. I felt I should celebrate so I decided to make an omelet from a recipe I had found on the back of the egg carton. I was a little proud of myself because I think this is the most complicated recipe I have ever made.

Unfortunately just as I was about to transfer the completed meal to my plate, the handle to my cast-iron skillet snapped and it fell on the floor. There is now a considerable amount of cooked egg fragments beneath the fridge and cabinets and oven.

I am not sure why the skillet handle snapped off. I had never used it before. Perhaps the omelet was too heavy.

I only had one egg remaining and so I cooked it and ate it with Kenneth the goldfish at the table. While I feel building a habit of frugality is important due to my current lack of employment, having already cooked three eggs that I did not consume sort of defeats the point.

(To clarify, I ate my egg whilst sitting next to Kenneth the goldfish. I did not eat Kenneth. I suppose if I completely ran out of money, I might be forced to eat the goldfish, but that would be a last resort. Despite his inability to converse with me, I feel Kenneth has become a trusted companion and I would regret having to ingest him for survival.)

I was still hungry so I ate some leftover cake sprinkles that I found in the cupboard. I do not remember buying them but they tasted of sugar and were quite hard.

The sprinkles are in many colors. I’m not sure if such colors are natural, as some appeared to glow a little. My colleague Fred from my job said that he thought that sprinkles and food coloring were leftover experiments from the Cold War and caused cancer, but Fred also had interesting opinions about the roundness of the earth and whether peanut butter is real, so I’m not sure what to think. He also used to add extra spaces in between the words in a sentence in his emails because he thought it might annoy people.

I hope Fred is doing okay.

I need to go to the store and buy more sprinkles as I consumed the entire canister. I don’t intend on making a cake to put them in, but I seem to have originally bought them for a reason and I might remember what that reason was in the future.

1. Patent no. US19390A

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