November 12th

I have not written for a while.

Here are some things that have changed:

1. The cost of toilet roll has gone up. This is inconvenient as for some reason I go through a 6-pack of toilet roll every eight days. I don’t know how this happens as no-one else uses it but me.
2. Kenneth has grown slightly in size, but his right fin has not grown in proportion and he continues to swim in a tight clockwise spirals from one end of his bowl to the other. He still eats small chunks of spam sandwiches, but does not, or cannot, get to all the breadcrumbs and so I have to clean out bowl on a weekly basis to prevent particle buildup. I read in my book Care and Maintenance of your Goldfish that it is good to spend ‘quality time’ with your fish, so I have relocated his bowl to the table so I can sit near him when I drink my tea in the evening. I don’t know if he recognizes me yet. He’s also two years older than the average goldfish is supposed to live.
3. I replaced a light-bulb in my hallway. There are two lights in the hallway in total. I used a new LED bulb called a ‘Daylight Bulb’ which is significantly brighter and gives me a slight headache when I look at it, but apparently is much cheaper than the other one. Apparently an LED bulb costs $38 dollars to run for it’s lifespan of 23 years. The previous one would have cost $48 to run over the same amount of time. That saves me approximately $0.19 per month. I’m not sure what I will do with this fiscal surplus but I may consider buying slightly more expensive eggs every six months.
4. I am allergic to eggs now. This nullifies the previous consideration somewhat. I went to the doctor because every time I eat eggs I kept getting a rash, adjacent to my current one that occurs whenever I eat onions. The onion rash is acceptable as it is on the back of my neck and doesn’t hurt, but the rash on chest caused by eggs is uncomfortable. The doctor, who didn’t make eye contact once during the appointment, asked what I had recently eaten. I said eggs. He said “Then don’t eat them,” and left the room. I imagine it takes years of experience to be able to make a diagnosis so quickly. I am glad I have such a proficient doctor. The nurse gave me some cream and told me to read the instructions for how to apply. The cream made my skin itch more than the rash but I will continue using it as per the nurse’s instruction.

My chest is itchy. I was forced to eat eggs as I am completely out of Mulberry’s Pasta ‘N and Sauce!

I included the exclamation mark because that’s what the packet shows. I’m not sure why Pasta ‘N Sauce needs to express excitement, but I wanted to be accurate.