February 28th

water coolerThe water cooler no longer provides cold water because the lever for the cold water nozzle has snapped off. The lever was left on top of the dispenser. I don’t know why someone just left it there, perhaps they felt it wasn’t a critical problem.

I tried to create a rudimentary lever by inserting a ballpoint pen into the hole left by the broken lever and wiggling it round a bit. A small amount of water ejected, and when the pen was removed, water began to gush out. I put the pen back in, and the water stopped.

I left a detailed note on the top of the dispenser illuminating the importance of the inserted pen. I signed the note with my name in case further information was required.

In the meantime, I have resorted to using water from the faucet. The water from the faucet smells like a municipal swimming pool where they are having difficulty finding employees to clean it. Given the advice given to me by a fellow member of staff that drinking water from the faucet will eventually give you kidney failure due to a lack of city water regulations, I have decided to temporarily reduce my consumption to four glasses a day.

I have also submitted Form #B-5672-35 – ‘Water Cooler Mechanical Failure – Lever Replacement’. I appreciate how specific the forms are at Shankles & Associates. They have 137 different forms available for cafeteria issues alone, including Form #C-2751-27 for saccharine sweetener sachet replacement.

I hope the cooler is fixed soon, as I feel my kidneys are important. I do have two of them however, so that’s nice.

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